Darth Butternutz

Finally!!! Someone went and done it, they made a Half-Life 2 map that depicts the struggle of an East German citizen during the Cold War. Oh yes, this little gem is called BerlinWall and the object of this map is, naturally what you might think, to cross over to West Germany without dying….. I wish I was making this shit up…. but I’m not. I’m guessing that some dude was losing sleep over this “dream” of his to create random and weird fuckin bullshit for Half-Life 2 so that maybe we might have a chance to understand the struggle of East German citizens and their need to move west… as it were.  Oh don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to try this thing out, I just find this sort of thing a little odd and it gives me a huge fuckin woody.

Here’s an excerpt directly from the README file…

This is the Berlin Wall singleplayer map for Half-Life 2: Episode Two. After a huge anticipation for almost 2 months, the little sketch by Stene was soon made real by a group of talented modders. As the story goes, you are a citizen of the East Berlin, and tired of the evil communist government. You dream of living at the West Germany, and you are about to find a way there somehow. There are many routes you can find and take, maybe you want to roam through dirty tunnel, or have a little gunfight with the guards. The buildings on the map are based on those of real-life, such as Checkpoint Charlie and the death strip.

The Wall is very secured, don’t make a mistake. A step to the wrong place may result in a bullet in your head.

Stene, Oskutin, SnakeFace and Dragonsdoom wish you good luck on your quest to the West, and don’t forget to try all the routes!

A bunch of guys and gals over at Control Point just recently started playing a little gem I like to call The Ship. I bought this game when it first came out almost 2 years ago but nobody I knew played it, so I quickly gave up on it. But now, I have people to play with and they are pretty darn good at it. I’m so excited to play it again that I even started trying to make a custom map for it today. So we’ll see how that goes…. anyways, here’s a custome map that someone else made. And they even made a swell video for it too

Ok, so I made something completely foul and penis like this afternoon but before I slammed down on the save button I thought to myself…”My girlfriend is gonna make fun of me for creating this Walking Dick Monster…. I’ll just make her a Walking Flower Monster With Teeth instead”

Her comments were….

Kitty “Right…..it’s pink……with weird feet?”

Darth “Technically, it’s only one foot.”

Kitty “Right…..Weird…..”

Glad to know you love it

Seeing as how the Pyro is my MPC (Most Played Class), this next update is near and dear to my burning heart. Based on what I’ve read so far about the new weapons, they all actually seem pretty darn useful. The flaregun looks like it’s gonna have the most impact on the class. I can see myself spamming wild flaregun shots into the gates of the attackers on maps like dustbowl and goldrush. Just put me next to a dispenser and watch the fireballs fly

So today, the Spore Creature Creator came out all I have to say is….LET THE PHALLICY BEGIN. Well I guess I have more to say than that….anyways. I’m real excited about Spore coming out sort of soon. It looks like it’s gonna be a huge time killer and I could sure use another good game to focus on.

I’ve only made one creature since I posted this entry, but I am sure to make many many more between now and the release of the full game. A guy I know on the Control Point forums posted this little beauty…. needless to say, it was inspiring.

I don’t haven’t created anything quite as immature as this one…..yet…. But here’s my first creation.

“Look Mom, Darth Butternutz is posting more girlie videos…..” said the kid

“Yes dear, Darth is a boy and therefore, he’s a pig…..” said the Mom

“Okie Dokie Mommy”

So I have built up my Mage/Bard character enough so I can finally go out and kill stuff. Her name is Eve and like I said, shes a Mage/Bard. She’s not really a great mage yet since it cost alot of money to train. But since I am a Bard, I can piss off two creatures and have them attack and kill each other. So that’s pretty sweet.

While I was out and about last night, I met a guy who was playing a warrior type character that has only played the game for two days. Mind you, this game is 11 years old and this guy just decided to pick it up start playing. So him and I started killing stuff at the Vesper Graveyard together and we had ourselves a good time.

This morning before work, I jumped in to kill a few things on my own. I was over at the Moonglow Graveyard, making zombies hate each other, when a lich spawned nearby and started attacking me. I quickly grabbed my favorite instrument and started training the zombies on the lich. The lich, being the bad ass that he is, just sort walked right over those zombies, killing all of them in his stride. I tried to run, but he hit me with a poison spell and something that sapped my staminia, so of course, my face met the floor.

No big deal right? I ran my little dead butt back to town and found the healer shop, got myself resed, and hightailed it back to my body to get my belongings back. But I arrived to my freshly looted corpse and some jackoff, who’s name I can’t remember, running away from the scene of the crime. Since I’m not much of a fighter and I had just lost all my stuff, I let the guy go with only a “WTF…..boo you whore!!!” 

Oh well

Ultima Online. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. I’m sure you’ve forgotten it. It’s still around. I swear

I stumbled across the idea of playing this old gem while I was paroosing an old site I hadn’t visited in a while, WTFMan. These guys used to be big time PK’s ( Player Killers )way back in the day and they would post these great stories of their many adventures. I found out that these guys were co-hosting a Freeshard called Divinity. So I blew the dust off of the old girl ( UO came out in 1997 ) and spent my weekend building up a Mage/Bard character so I could start making some money.

One thing that always intrigued me about this game was the rampant ass raping that occurred here. This wasn’t like World of Warcraft is now, where if the opposing faction kills you and all you have to do is resurrect and go back to what you were doing. Oh no, if you were PK’ed out in wilderness somewhere, you would have to find some random wandering NPC Healer walking around to get resurrected. And when you do get resurrected and you manage to find your way back to your body, the vultures that was the player base, would’ve taken everything you had on your person. Your weapons, your armor, your gold…EVERYTHING YOU WERE CARRYING. Yeah, so needless to say, it could get a little exciting and very frustrating since every 12 year old that had ever been picked on in school played a PK and took out their “adolescent rage” on anything that moved. Great fun.  And I’ve already experienced this type of “adolescent rage” only 3 hours into the game.

So there I was, running through forest, using my Bard skills to make sheep, llamas, and cows kill each over so I could loot their skins for profit. Basically minding my own business. Out pops a heavily armed PC in a fighting stance by the name of NooB KiLLa. Eager to make new friends I give KiLLa a friendly “Hi there.” My willingness to please was soon greeted with an old familar spell called “Corp Por” which is basically a simple spell meant to ass rape it’s target. Since I am such a “NooB” on my new shard, my face soon made it’s aquantance with the floor and a litte window appears informing me of my demise. Frustrated but complient, I start my ghostly walk to find a wandering healer continue my adventures. Of course, when I came back to my body, my new friend had dismembered my body and had taken everything of value on my person.

As much as all of that just sucks a bowl of dick, I still loved playing this game and I hope I can recapture the feeling I once while playing this mind fuck of a game.